Not Your Average Geek

As you probably know if you’ve read some of my previous blogs, I work at a school (the name of which I shan’t disclose, lest it’s shining reputation be tarnished by my revelations of it as a petty, inept, and selfish body of people. But I will reveal that this particular school has its internet connection provided by th Hertfordshire Grid for Learning, in partnership with NTL Business (Virgin Media). Now, because the HGfL provides internet connections to schools, there is naturally a fairly hefty degree of filtering going on. This filtering was total. It didn’t matter if you were an Infant school child of six, or an IT Analyst of twenty-six, you were all blocked from the same sites. Which included MySpace, Facebook, most free games sites, freeware downloads (including AVG!), and most of the other sites that network administrators, teachers and other support staff want to use during their lunch breaks.

So, after much complaining, HGfL finally got off their lazy arses and did something about it. They brought in a new third party web filter provider, and set us all up on it. This meant that certain schools (like mine) that wanted more liberal access for staff, could control it on site. Great! There was the little problem of them installing the on-site box three months before they gave any of us any training, meaning that for three months everyone in the school could access almost whatever they wanted (such as year 7’s accessing their MySpace midway through registration, etc).

But finally they gave us some rudimentary training - enough that we can now lock down and restrict access as we see fit. Or at least that was the plan.

Since last tuesday when our onsite box went live, we’ve had nothing but problems! For some reason, random sites are blocked - no ‘blocked’ message is returned to the user as it should. They just get a blank page. Then none of our non-domain laptops can access the Internet as they could before - causing a major problem because we have over 500 non-domain laptops that will need internet access come September.

In addtion to this, we also have an issue with out internet connection seeming to hang for thirty seconds every five minutes or so (a problem which everyone assures us doesn’t actually exist), AND in the last two hours, we’ve discovered that HGfL/NTL are having problems even keeping the connection up! I was sorely tempted to suggest Viagra to the helpdesk operator, but I 2was afraid that if I did, I’d start ranting.

See, I know it’s not all their fault, especially the little guy on the end of the phone. But My colleague and I have been getting constant harassment and complaints since these problems started, with snide emails being sent to the whole school, and irate staff telling they’ve had enough and are going to work from home where they can rely upon their computer. And quite frankly, I want to kill someone - and a HGfL/NTL technician fits the bill quite nicely!

I hate computers.

TTFN

No sooner had I completed my previous entry, than the fire alarm above my desk started ringing. Not only did the brazen report scare the life out of me, but it also meant we had to go to the fire assembly point. In the middle of the Lawn. In the pouring rain.

We stood there for ten damned minutes before the alarms shut off. At this point my boss and I decided that enough was enough, and headed back in. Now my hair’s ruined (it’ll dry frizzy and ‘orrible), mys shoes are squelching, and my clothes aredamp and uncomfortable.

Mar-fething-velous.

TTFN

… is a sign of an untidy mind. An untidy mind is the playground of Chaos”

If that’s so, then I should be burned at the stake for being possessed, because this is my desk;

I personally believe that an untidy workplace is a sign that the occupants are working too damn hard to have time to tidy up! I’ve worked with quite a few technicians, engineers, and other technical people from various nacgrounds over the years, and none of them kept a tidy workplace. It was always cluttered and very ‘busy’, with bits and pieces of ongoing projects and research scattered about, usually where they were left last time the engineer was interrupted by someone with a stupid question.

In my experience, the only people who have neat and tidy desktops are either suffering from OCD, or aren’t doing enough work (such as officious middle-managers, fat cats in big offices, and damn slackers).

What do you think? Messy workplaces - indicative of a posessed person, or indicative of a very busy mind?

TTFN

… of Cannabis smoke and alcohol, a conversation comes to me…

Me: We’d make terrible vampires if we can’t give love bites

Larter: I wouldn’t bit - I’d slash their throats open, and just drinking it as it gushed out

Me: Haha, just getting drenched in it?

Larter: Yeah, I’d use shock and awe tactics!

And that sort of set the tone for the entirety of the evening yesterday! It was a strange party. To start with, there were only about a dozen people there, and most of them are of that strange breed that goes to parties, and wants to sit and have sensible chats about their careers, pensions, and other such nonsense. Then there was the musical selection, which was eclectic, even by the varied standards of one of our parties. And finally, just the bizarre mood that seemed to dominate me and my little coterie of close friends.

A rather random night, to be sure. Boundaries were explored, much pot was smoked, and many party poppers were.. erm.. popped (and set fire to). And now I have a headache from the wine, and smudged eye make-up!

TTFN

Ok, so it appears I was wrong in my previous blog…. Blizzard were building up to the release of Diablo 3!

And after reading through their website this lunchtime, I have to say that I’m excited!

Ignoring the dodgy ret-con of Deckard Cain (in his diary, he reveals that apparently he’s not the Last of the Horadrim… well, sort of), and the dodgy new character class Witch Doctor (which looks to me like a crappy imitation of the Necromancer from D2), this looks like it could be an amazing game! It’s using far superior graphics to D2 obviously, and from what I’ve seen from the screenshots, it looks like it’s World of Warcraft with a cooler storyline!

At the moment there’s only a limited amount of in-game info, with only two Characters - the new, more savage Barbarian, and the weak Witch Doctor - available to read about, but if Blizzard decide to perhap re-ue some old character such as one of the Rogues of the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye, or a Paladin, then I will probably actually orgasm. Well, maybe not, but I’ll come close.

Anywho, that’s something else for me to spend money I don’t have on….

TTFN

Having been caught up by the investigations into Blizzards cryptic splash page image, - which many believe to herald the announcement of the much anticipated Diablo 43 on Saturday - I’ve been browsing around the various Blizzard sites (for Warcraft, Diablo, and Starcraft) and have come to the following conclusions

• One of the symbols embedded in the ice (the symbol towards the bottom left) is the symbol used to represent the Protoss from Starcraft on the Starcraft 2 website
• The eyes visible are strikingly similar to the eyes of the Liche King figure shown on the World of Warcraft:Wrath of the Liche King home page

The other symbols seem very, very familiar, but I can’t place them (I’m sure at least one is from the Diablo universe, and another from the Warcraft universe). It seems to me that the symbols embedded in the ice are there to harken to Blizzards existing products, with the focus of the image (the glowing eyes) being the major hint at whatever their big release is going to be at Saturdays worldwide event. My Money’s on a WoW thing - after all, that’s what’s filling their coffers the most at the moment, with it’s monthly subscriptions.

Diablo 3 I’m afraid, looks like a very, very long shot…

TTFN

Why do H&M not have an online shop for the UK? It’s so insanely annoying!

I love that shop, and every chance I  get, I dash in there and scoop up an armful of amazing clothes. Unfortunately, the closest store to me is either in Cambridge (30 miles away), or Chelmsford (20 miles int he opposite direction), so it’s not very often that I have the opportunity to peruse their racks of wonderful garments and accessories (yes ladies, it’s true - I’m a man that knows how to accessorise).

So in the modern age, where you can buy everything including your dinner over the Internet, I turned to their website for salvation. It immediately had me drooling, as the smooth Flash slideshows embedded in the site started to role, suggesting all manner of fashionable delights. But then I was crushed to discover that there’s no online shop for the UK!

Curse you H&M! Curse you and wonderful clothes that are so tantalizingly close, and yet so painfully far away! And it’s payday too, the one day of the month when I can actually afford to spend money on frovilities such as white trousers and utterly superfluous sunglasses!

Although they have some rather strange ideas for this summer… I can see how trousers with the bottoms rolled up to mid calf would be nice and cool, but let’s face it, you’d look a bit of a plonker really… Hmm, but then I think most people I see walking around look ridiculous in the outfits they willing wear, so I suppose it’s all relative… doubt I’ll be sporting any rolled-up trousers this year though. My legs look like plucked Chicken legs!

TTFN

So, that murdering, power-abusing bastard Robert Mugabe is finally stripped of his honourary knighthood (it’s just been confirmed for me on the news), and it makes me wonder - why the Hell did it take so damn long?

That man has taken the country formerly known as Africa’s Breadbasket, and turned it into a poverty ridden dump, where the elite few - those high up on his payroll - live in comfort, whilst the rest of the country lives in squallor. His supporters openly beat, kill, and abuse his rivals and their supporters. He laughs in the face of UN sanctions. He refuses to step down from government, even after he was defeated in a legitimate election.

So why on Earth didn’t we strip him of this prestigious honour sooner?

And how long before the US of A, always so eager to shoot foreigners and send it’s agents off to snipe people, sends some CIA shooter to put a bullet through his nasal cavity?

Rooney

Today, ladies and gents, I’d like to talk about something dear to my heart, that I enjoy very much, which is increasingly becoming a nightmare… Driving!

Ever since I passed my test - even before then, since the day I took my first driving lesson one sunny spring morning - I’ve loved driving. The masculine sense of power and control as the engine throbs and roars at your command. The exhilaration of the speed you travel at. The freedom granted you by that construction of rubber, steel, glass, and plastic. I loved it even when I was driving around in my little Mk. I Nissan Micra (affectionately known as ‘The Shitmobile’) with a top speed of about 80mph if you didn’t mind the screaming of the engine and vibrations severe enough to shake your fillings loose. So you can imagine how much I love it know that I own a PT Cruiser with an average cruising speed of 85mph (I haven’t tested his top speed yet!).

However, there are several things which are making this love of mine more and more trouble. I’m not going to start a rant on the Petrol crisis, because the thought of the 85% tax the government charges us Brits for fuel will drive me into an insane rage should I dwell on it for too long, and then my boss will know that I’m not really working! I’m going to focus on the actual driving.

Anyone that owns a car and uses it regularly (particularly to commute), will know what I mean when I say there are some real idiots on the roads! We’ve all seen it; not giving way to traffic with the right of way, blindly pulling out onto a road without so much as a glance at what’s coming, running red lights, ignoring the big ‘KEEP CLEAR’ boxes - general, basic road craft that you are taught from your first lesson, and that is essential to passing your driving tests. I’m consistently amazed at the poor standards of driving I’m forced to avoid/drive around/suffer when I’m out and about. I’m not saying I’m the greatest driver in the world - I’m too aggressive, an I drive too fast - but I’m always in the correct lane, I always indicate, and I always follow the road markings and signs.

Of late, I’ve noticed that the number of these awful, dangerous drivers is increasing, and I’ve been wondering how this is possible. People have said it’s because more young people are driving now than ever before. But I’ve seen increasing numbers of older people driving like they’ve never had a lesson in their lives. Plus, the DVLA continues to make the driving test harder. For instance, when my Dad took his test, it was a drive with the examiner, an eye sight check (”Read out the numberplate of that car over there”), a handful of questions on the Green Cross Code, and bosh “sign here, enjoy your new licence”!

When I took mine, before I even saw the Examiner, I had to take a theory test, which tested my knowledge of the Green Cross Code over the course of thirty questions, and then sat in a little booth and took a Hazard Perception Test, which tested my ability to locate and analyse hazards in a simulated driving environment. In the correct order, with points lost for clicking too many, or not enough, or in the wrong order! Then it was on to the practical, which incorporated  everything my father did, plus having to check and point out various things on the car (how to check tyre wear, oil and water levels, brake fluid reservoir, etc). Then since I passed all of those, I was given my licence.

Now the DVLA want to force new drivers to have to take a second test before being allowed to drive on the motorway (I’m not entirely against this one - it’d stop people like my sister being such awful motorway drivers!), restricting the size of the engine they can drive, not allowing them to take passengers under the age of 21, and allowing no passengers at all between the hours of 7pm and 7am.

So, let’s see, the DVLA make the tests harder (but don’t make old people have to re-take any part of it), and yet the overall quality of drivers is decreasing… so by that logic, surely the harder they make it to pass your test and drive legally, the worse the level of driving ability is going to be? ARGH!

If it gets much worse, I may have to sell the Duke and buy a tank. It’s the only think that I know will be safe from all the lethal drivers out there!

TTFN

Normally, I’m very much against people plugging things in their blogs. At the end of the day, you’re there to read about someone else’s experience, get their thoughts on something, or just to pass some time reading something interesting/informative/funny. The last thing you want is to have their product rammed down your throat.

But I suppose power corrupts, and since I have the power of writing this blog, I’ll do as I damn well please!

In my defence this capitalist plug isn’t for me, or anything I’m involved in - it’s for my darling girlfriend’s budding jewellery project, Hibiscus Jewellery. Basically, she makes, modifies, mangles, and retails jewellery. Some of it’s quite bizarre, and she’s got a wide variety of materials to draw on, so there’s usually something for everyone. It’s all at very low prices, she’ll ship to most places, and she does commissions/customisations on request!

Check it out, and buy a li’l something. I’ll pester her to put up pics of more items she has ready, but here’s a few to give you a taster…

TTFN