I find myself in quite a unique state of mind (excuse the spelling mistakes, as I’m rather the worse for drink at the moment), wherein I am feeling rather openly and honestly inclined, and yet still willing to apply the effort required to put together a coherent blog entry (although it may deteriorate as the alcohol takes hold!).
I am, this evening at least, put in mind of the John Donne quote “no man is an island”. This may be a bastardised form of the original but it is the one I know, and it is the one that suits my current purpose!
I, in spite of the very learned quote, am an island. It may only be by degrees, and against my coscious will, but I am an island nonetheless.
I am incredibly (and possibly damagingly) honest with my girlfriend – to the point that she knowa what other women have caught my eye, and the convoluted pat of my previous love life. My two closest friends know the intimate details of my life, and know my weaknesses as well as my lover.
But even so, I find that there are thoughts and desires that I keep hidden away. Pains and burdens that I bear in solitude. There are things that creep upon me in the quiet of the night, or in times of solitudinous contemplation that afflict me deeply, and may yet affect my decisions on life, and yet I cannot revel them to anyone, even those that I value the most, and whose council I regard as sacrosanct, and above that of all others.
Does this make me a liar? Does this make me untrue? Or does this merely make me a human, afraid to show weakness to an increasingly hostile and unforgiving world?
I don’t know. But I wish wholeheartedly I didn’t have to decide.
Or feel like this.
